I have to say that my dog is becoming a little worrying to me. He’s always been frightened, but his fear of things is becoming ridiculous – loud noises, cows, sheep, squeaks from the back of the car (perhaps he thinks it’s a ghost?), puddles – yes, I did say puddles. I mean how can a puddle scare him? Okay it’s the big ones that freak him out as you drive through them, but it’s still a puddle; he’ll happily traipse through them when he’s walking along, so why the nervous breakdown in the car? Or is it the wheelchair bouncing about in the boot that's squeaking and maybe he thinks it’s possessed?
So, anyway, I thought that I'd review a film I’d seen - just for a change. But then I realised we haven’t been the cinema in years because it’s so expensive to go; and I’m not just talking about the ticket price. No, I’m moaning about the cost of popcorn, sweets and drinks.
I mean is it right that you have to remortgage your home just to be able to buy a cup of pop and a small tub of popcorn? As for the chocolate pick and mix bar, I can only advise people to rob their nearest bank before partaking.
These days I personally wait for it to come on the satellite movie channels (premier, not the buy to watch channel). That way I can buy the cheap supermarket fizzy and popcorn, and any sweets I want too. Maybe we don’t get out like we used to but then we’ve also not had to pawn the dog either, so I guess its win/win really.
The other plus points for me is that I don’t have to be embarrassed when my husband falls asleep and his snoring drowns out the soundtrack; and I’m not fed up with people leaping up and down in front of me with wads of cash to buy a single chocolate peanut from the pick and mix bar.
For anyone chuckling at this and saying it can’t possibly be that expensive, I have to say that I agree that £2.99 for 100g of sweets sounds reasonable. But whilst a 100g might sound a lot, it really isn’t; it weighs out to about two chocolate brazils and a marshmallow.....and you can eat that before that ads have finished. Let's be honest, having mugged you for the ticket prices do they have to rob you blind over the sweets too?
Twice we sneaked ours in from the supermarket; even though there’s a lot of notices all over the place saying that “only consumables bought on the premises can be consumed in the cinema”. We took our own bottles of pop and sweets in with us – I looked like some weird alien woman with my pockets bulging with our secret contraband.
Admittedly none of it ended well; the first time the bag of popcorn wouldn’t pull open and I lost my temper. After a struggle and much muttered swearing it finally tore, and popcorn covered our row and the rows in front and behind – it was like it was snowing popcorn. Luckily no one told; though I think that was because they were busily munching their own smuggled goodies.
The second time the bottle of pop had gotten a bit shook up as we were late and had to run to the cinema (that was way back when Noah wore short trousers and I could actually run anywhere). We sat down, I was parched and opened the bottle......well, I loosened the top and the rest exploded – you wouldn’t believe how high those things can blow their plastic tops.
Sitting through a movie whilst you’re covered in sticky fizzy drink is not an experience I’d ever recommend unless you're kinky that way. At one point, and despite trying to wipe down my jeans in the ladies loo (which was meant to be embarrassing judging by the teenage girls sniggering around me, but I was just too sticky to care), I was honestly a little concerned I was going to stick to the seat......fortunately I didn’t.
So those mishaps, coupled with the feeling that we were smuggling drugs into a church social, I really felt it wasn’t worth the stress again. Smuggling in contraband, having the illicit stuff turn on me and the fear of discovery (although I often saw other people with the same bootleg goodies) I really couldn’t be bothered. I've also decided I would never smuggle stuff as I suck at it; I just look guilty and get all sweaty - not good on any level I'm sure you'd agree.
My advice is to just stay at home, watch it on the tv, have your own cheap sweets and stuff that you didn’t have to sell both kidneys and a lung for, and enjoy the evening.
This is Simi, thanks for reading................