Okay, let’s get something straight from the get-go: I'm never going to use my real name; odd I can hear you thinking, perhaps even weird. But that’s the way it is and I’m not weird, but I am a freak and trust me there is a difference. You can all call me....I don’t know; let me think of a fairly freaky name...Simi. There you go; it’s the name of an ancient Demon in Sherrilyn Kenyon’s Dark Hunter series of novels. She’s very funny; totally outrageous and an ancient baby demon. Well I might not be a baby, not even if you squint and close one eye; but I have been called many names that could also imply I’m demonic, so I think Simi’s a good name.
Oh and you should really read the Dark Hunter novels; they’re pretty good and have some fairly funny sarcasm in them. Acheron’s was the hardest to read though, so be warned....
So, here’s the thing – I’d love to be able to say I’m writing this blog as a noble gesture to note the huge events taking place in the world in 2012......the Euro looking like it’s about to implode and spread Europe like horse manure through the ventilating system; Scotland threatening to go to war with England (okay, I’m kidding – but they do want independence). Syria’s leaders apparently deciding a country with only dead citizens is a whole lot easier to govern than a land with living ones – that’s the only explanation I’ve got the for the wholesale slaughter that’s taking place there.
Then you’ve got Iran appearing to try to make their own nuclear material, for medicine they say; but the rest of the world is fairly sure they’re going to make weapons with it (apparently it just needs a little more spinning) and then the world will really, quite literally, go to hell in a blaze of ......well, not glory – just fiery death and destruction I’m sure. For let’s not forget that North Korea has its own nuclear weapons and many other countries do to. Not that they’d use them......we hope.
So I’d love to say that this blog is to note all this horrible stuff taking place around the world; but it’s not. It’s just for me to note the small stuff that’s all taking place. Things that make me mad; things that make me happy and things that make me just want to save my sarcasm and finally kill all the stupid annoying people that drive the rest of us insane. Or I could just be like my namesake and eat them; she says they’re “good eats; especially with hot sauce.”
So I’m an old woman (46) with specs; teeth that would make a Hollywood star cringe in horror – aging disgracefully; I’m trying to learn how to do wheelies in my wheelchair....
Oh wait; that’s probably relevant for you right? Info on the writer? So here’s the low down on that – I’ve got a form of arthritis that both sucks and blows, ironically. The pain is an exercise in torment, but it shows I’m still breathing. The stiffness it induces is a little more worrying, as occasionally I believe I might have died and not noticed as it’s more akin to what I assume rigor mortis would be like. I often fall over as I stand up and find my feet and knees have gone on strike with my hips maintaining a non violent resistance, which leads to me face planting on the ground. Cue laughs all round – heck, even I laugh sometimes.
Basically when I go out walking beyond the limit of my poor old legs, I need the wheelchair. Of course me being me I can’t just have a wheelchair and be good. That’s too boring; no I’m going the whole sarcastic stickers (homemade if I can’t find the ones I want), pretending I’m one of the ‘dambusters’ (with accompanying music (sung by me) as my daughter pushes me along) or – the best – hooking my large(ish) dog to my wheelchair shouting “MUSH!” and letting him tug me around at great speed.
That is a rush. I’ve nearly ended up in a lake when he went to investigate a duck; the only thing that saved me was he decided he was scared of it. I also nearly ended up in a hedge as he went after a squirrel; he doesn’t like squirrels, they appear to be his nemesis – the Joker to his Batman, the Moriarty to his Holmes, the Tom to his Jerry....well, you get the picture.
Why have I started this blog on 1st February and not the 1st January? Don’t know; hadn’t thought of it? Perhaps I just really like being different.
But that all said; I really hope you join me again soon. This is Simi; thanks for reading......